It's Nonsense?

I keep getting told that my lyrics make no sense.
Screw you. They make sense.

Today rained a little bit. Ali and Madison are up here for eFy I'm excited to play.
Ocean, The is my favorite song so far.
Fresca is my new favorite indulgence.
Jacob has begun a new page in his life book. Today, right now, he has begun an audio journal. On garageband. So I felt like I needed to write something down.
I have nothing to say that is public information yet.
Well... theres only three people i can think of that even know this blog exists.
but still. just in case.

hefalumps and woozels
im sick and tired of working for the man Madison
f^ck that guy

sometimes i like gay songs

"Say You Like Me" - We The Kings

what the he[[
i downloaded it as the free single of the week and i listened through the whole song and i didn't realize what i had done till i did it a second time. maybe a third.
so i guess sometimes i break my own rules. i really don't have many anyways.
The masquerade dance is this saturday. The first formal freshman byu dance...
We have to ask dates out. Jacob works that night and doesn't want to go. I have other friends going but blehk. Since mormon prom was so awesome, I just have all this intense motivation to totally goooo...yeaa
i have a computer science midterm and tomorrow is the last day to take the fatty test. Ive been studying at least two hours everyday for this shiz and i still dont get it.
i do actually. but i don't feel like i do.
manchester orchestra rules. ive got friends.
 one of their songs says- "
Definitely not the things that I'm seeing
Did i think id see so instantly

I found a note in my grandfather's coat
when I read it out loud I got cold

'Cause he said
I'm not complaining
yeah i was just saying
I'm a man, I'm a lost one you see
come down with me to a place
we'll get clean
and we'll meet with them eventually

you mean everything
I don't know much but a crutch is a crutch
if its holding you from moving on"

yeah.

i haven't felt the coolness i visualized feeling living on my own.

im just tired-night.

Circle

It's been about a week without what I used to see as home. I can't tell how I really feel about it.

I wrote a song named Circle before I left. In the beginning I couldn't get past the first two lines because I kept crying. It took too long to be able to contain myself. I'm listening to it right now and due to my unnaturally poor memory it's the best link I have with my past life that I've just stepped away from.

I think the way for me to unpuzzle the knot in my head is to unravel the parts one by one. This is part of doing that. I miss my friends so much- that I don't think about it. If I did I couldn't get anything done. Knowing I'll get to come back for a few days in a few weeks (haha) lets me justify not thinking about it. 

There were a lot of loose ends that never got taken care of, many people I didn't get to say goodbye to that I know I won't ever see again. Things like that are like poison to me if I dwell on them too long. They're still up there in my memory though and I know eventually I'll have to feel like complete trash. I think the main thing that I wish I had done better- is explaining to my friends how much they mean to me and how badly I want to be involved in whatever they're doing. I don't know how to tell them that I love them in person. I don't know how to say to them that I think about them all the time, and that being so far away hurts so bad. I don't think my friends will read this either. I post this publicly in hopes that they might possibly read it. I feel that if someone reads it- it was meant to happen that way and if someone doesn't- then that's good too.

Basically I put as much as I could into Circle and I'm slaving over it and we shall see if I can get the courage to release it. I'm so tired. All the time.

It will get to the point that I miss home even more. Right now I also miss knowing where to go and what to do. I feel small.

BUT, knowing who I know, and feeling like I can tell them I love them is enough to make me feel big enough to lift the sheets and begin another day.

Goodness, welcome to a very dramatic, neurotic, and self depressing letter to the open.

I have a belief that someday everyone will know how everyone else feels. That will be so nice.

Of course my battery percentage is 69 right now.

Ive spend 3/4 of the time of writing this just sitting and thinking about my closest friends and I really really hope you know who you are.

Jacob is awesome. I frequently envy him. 

Sigur Ros and a lot of other music rules.

I didn't realize what clothes I would need till a couple days ago.

It is hot in the summer.

Power bars aren't good to eat before bed.

Paintballs feel like nails when they hit you.

Sometimes a week can feel like a month.

I forget why I'm alive sometimes. It's nice to know why I am, again. and again.

no proofreading, just push publish post.

goodnight

Wish You Were a Seeker

I recorded a bunch of awesome moments on my phone:
-Evan's Voice death
-Retard Jam
-"The Wave"
-Opera Singer
-italian speaking

i used two of them in a song and the retard jam i have put on repeat because its hilarious. I think it's Sam doing a grunt yell somewhere in it and i die.

The Wave lyrics

Mom I know
Mom I know
It's early in the morning
but these fireworks aren't lit

The wave's gonna take you
gonna take you ooh
I think the wave's gonna take you
gonna take you ooh
x2

[the end]

There's not much time left it seems. The feeling of the walls coming in fast and even though you have a split second to suck in air, you can't because you know you won't be able to in the next second. Weird.

"Army of Me" -Bjork
that song is nuts

"I Feel So" -Boxcar Racer
those lyrics are killer
especially mixed with the music. It's just an addicting song, when it fits so well.

Sometimes i think of what would happen if i do certain things:
-Sit upside down in class
-Cook eggs on my desk (electric frying pan)
-Tape socks to all the doors
-Place a car bench seat in the middle of the hall
-Replace all the trashcans with little tiny ones. (the foot tall ones for your room)
-paint all the tree trunks neon green or orange
-throw out flower seeds eeeverywhere there's sorta wet looking dirt
-Record over the foreign language listening tapes
-Wear my pants backwards and point out to other people this mistake on myself. record their faces on camera?
-Go through the stacks in the IRC and flip all the books upside down
-Replace the flyers in the office with retarded ones

idk. it just keeps coming
but i think... why not? if i'm just gonna go home and play video games... why not see what happens?

i don't get to choose when to write or record and that makes me frustrated.

i haven't written here for awhile and so i almost wrote things that don't belong on a public blog. I thought it was a personal journal for a second. close

Loud

After a really long practice where we kept turning up our amps, and after we've unplugged everything- the silence that comes over everyone is so weird. Everytime this happens- whether the silence is very long or sorta short. It makes me happy.

Parable of the day.

Once a mountain man had three piglets. Their names were One, Two, and Three. Three kept his special marbles under his bed. Two kept his secret stamp collection between the gap in the AC vent. One didn't have anything to keep anywhere. The Mountain man kept his beloved machete tucked in the curtains.

After many happy years of obliviousness, there was a day when The Mountain Man found a marble on the ground. What could this mean? He did not know what it meant. It was one of Three's special marbles. After a moment he knew this fact for it was written on the side of the marble- "Three's special marble one". He immediately looked around with fear jabbing his chest. Why would the marble ever have made it out onto the floor if it was meant to be a secret marble? They did live in the mountains and they did live where there were many devious creatures of the nightlife aurora. No matter. The Mountain Man grabbed his hidden machete and at that exact time One finished business in the bathroom and hopped out into the room and saw the machete. All secrets were made known to the one who had none. His head exploded and engulfed the entire room in a blue light which released Two from his bonds and Three from the grip of a robber in the adjacent room. The robber died.

Moral of the story. Keep lots of blue light in your head and don't be a robber.

þú ert með sáttmála

If we could just keep life clean..

I have these ideas and things i want to do. but since they all seem so time consuming i never end up doing any of them.. so i write out my ideas and today i did some of them. success. :)

I Was Greended This Weened

"I don't think I wanna think about it." - "So Much Trouble" -Matt Pond PA

The 6H pencil is like a knife, maddie... should've let me know...

This is what i learned. It's all there; the pencil scrapes away the wrapping paper.

For the second time seeing Big Fish- I love it even more.

Blogging isn't sharing.  ?

Today I bought the best scissors that Scotch makes. They glide like butter. I wrote my name on it in silver sharpie. Bliss.

Today my mother walked into my room (as i was packing and packing) with a big box FULL of pictures of me. as a kid. as a amoeba. as a douche. as a goat. as a ladder. as a speaker. and as a baby

I always space this all out because I like to give the space bar a line all to itself since it does so much work.