Circle

It's been about a week without what I used to see as home. I can't tell how I really feel about it.

I wrote a song named Circle before I left. In the beginning I couldn't get past the first two lines because I kept crying. It took too long to be able to contain myself. I'm listening to it right now and due to my unnaturally poor memory it's the best link I have with my past life that I've just stepped away from.

I think the way for me to unpuzzle the knot in my head is to unravel the parts one by one. This is part of doing that. I miss my friends so much- that I don't think about it. If I did I couldn't get anything done. Knowing I'll get to come back for a few days in a few weeks (haha) lets me justify not thinking about it. 

There were a lot of loose ends that never got taken care of, many people I didn't get to say goodbye to that I know I won't ever see again. Things like that are like poison to me if I dwell on them too long. They're still up there in my memory though and I know eventually I'll have to feel like complete trash. I think the main thing that I wish I had done better- is explaining to my friends how much they mean to me and how badly I want to be involved in whatever they're doing. I don't know how to tell them that I love them in person. I don't know how to say to them that I think about them all the time, and that being so far away hurts so bad. I don't think my friends will read this either. I post this publicly in hopes that they might possibly read it. I feel that if someone reads it- it was meant to happen that way and if someone doesn't- then that's good too.

Basically I put as much as I could into Circle and I'm slaving over it and we shall see if I can get the courage to release it. I'm so tired. All the time.

It will get to the point that I miss home even more. Right now I also miss knowing where to go and what to do. I feel small.

BUT, knowing who I know, and feeling like I can tell them I love them is enough to make me feel big enough to lift the sheets and begin another day.

Goodness, welcome to a very dramatic, neurotic, and self depressing letter to the open.

I have a belief that someday everyone will know how everyone else feels. That will be so nice.

Of course my battery percentage is 69 right now.

Ive spend 3/4 of the time of writing this just sitting and thinking about my closest friends and I really really hope you know who you are.

Jacob is awesome. I frequently envy him. 

Sigur Ros and a lot of other music rules.

I didn't realize what clothes I would need till a couple days ago.

It is hot in the summer.

Power bars aren't good to eat before bed.

Paintballs feel like nails when they hit you.

Sometimes a week can feel like a month.

I forget why I'm alive sometimes. It's nice to know why I am, again. and again.

no proofreading, just push publish post.

goodnight

Wish You Were a Seeker

I recorded a bunch of awesome moments on my phone:
-Evan's Voice death
-Retard Jam
-"The Wave"
-Opera Singer
-italian speaking

i used two of them in a song and the retard jam i have put on repeat because its hilarious. I think it's Sam doing a grunt yell somewhere in it and i die.

The Wave lyrics

Mom I know
Mom I know
It's early in the morning
but these fireworks aren't lit

The wave's gonna take you
gonna take you ooh
I think the wave's gonna take you
gonna take you ooh
x2

[the end]

There's not much time left it seems. The feeling of the walls coming in fast and even though you have a split second to suck in air, you can't because you know you won't be able to in the next second. Weird.

"Army of Me" -Bjork
that song is nuts

"I Feel So" -Boxcar Racer
those lyrics are killer
especially mixed with the music. It's just an addicting song, when it fits so well.

Sometimes i think of what would happen if i do certain things:
-Sit upside down in class
-Cook eggs on my desk (electric frying pan)
-Tape socks to all the doors
-Place a car bench seat in the middle of the hall
-Replace all the trashcans with little tiny ones. (the foot tall ones for your room)
-paint all the tree trunks neon green or orange
-throw out flower seeds eeeverywhere there's sorta wet looking dirt
-Record over the foreign language listening tapes
-Wear my pants backwards and point out to other people this mistake on myself. record their faces on camera?
-Go through the stacks in the IRC and flip all the books upside down
-Replace the flyers in the office with retarded ones

idk. it just keeps coming
but i think... why not? if i'm just gonna go home and play video games... why not see what happens?

i don't get to choose when to write or record and that makes me frustrated.

i haven't written here for awhile and so i almost wrote things that don't belong on a public blog. I thought it was a personal journal for a second. close

Loud

After a really long practice where we kept turning up our amps, and after we've unplugged everything- the silence that comes over everyone is so weird. Everytime this happens- whether the silence is very long or sorta short. It makes me happy.

Parable of the day.

Once a mountain man had three piglets. Their names were One, Two, and Three. Three kept his special marbles under his bed. Two kept his secret stamp collection between the gap in the AC vent. One didn't have anything to keep anywhere. The Mountain man kept his beloved machete tucked in the curtains.

After many happy years of obliviousness, there was a day when The Mountain Man found a marble on the ground. What could this mean? He did not know what it meant. It was one of Three's special marbles. After a moment he knew this fact for it was written on the side of the marble- "Three's special marble one". He immediately looked around with fear jabbing his chest. Why would the marble ever have made it out onto the floor if it was meant to be a secret marble? They did live in the mountains and they did live where there were many devious creatures of the nightlife aurora. No matter. The Mountain Man grabbed his hidden machete and at that exact time One finished business in the bathroom and hopped out into the room and saw the machete. All secrets were made known to the one who had none. His head exploded and engulfed the entire room in a blue light which released Two from his bonds and Three from the grip of a robber in the adjacent room. The robber died.

Moral of the story. Keep lots of blue light in your head and don't be a robber.

þú ert með sáttmála

If we could just keep life clean..

I have these ideas and things i want to do. but since they all seem so time consuming i never end up doing any of them.. so i write out my ideas and today i did some of them. success. :)

I Was Greended This Weened

"I don't think I wanna think about it." - "So Much Trouble" -Matt Pond PA

The 6H pencil is like a knife, maddie... should've let me know...

This is what i learned. It's all there; the pencil scrapes away the wrapping paper.

For the second time seeing Big Fish- I love it even more.

Blogging isn't sharing.  ?

Today I bought the best scissors that Scotch makes. They glide like butter. I wrote my name on it in silver sharpie. Bliss.

Today my mother walked into my room (as i was packing and packing) with a big box FULL of pictures of me. as a kid. as a amoeba. as a douche. as a goat. as a ladder. as a speaker. and as a baby

I always space this all out because I like to give the space bar a line all to itself since it does so much work.

My only two

It's nice knowing that only Ali and Maddie read these things. Maybe a random person who searches for a blog at random has come across Trees.eat.ulfurs.
It was easy to decide what animal Ali was. Deer.
It has not been easy to decide on what Maddie is. Bunny.

I read a sign today that said: "30% off for seniors 55+ (except on new items)"
I laughed but that's actually pretty sad. Are they taking advantage of their eyesight? because the parenthesis was half the size of the main message.

I hope to one day hear of a band called- Invincible Cop and the Unfocused Hotel

cloak and robe from elven kind

I really want Extreme Isolation headphones.

When will they tell me I can start at my job?

Beginning the process of putting your belongings into boxes, and knowing that most of it will stay in those boxes for the rest of your life... It's a blow to the mind. Especially since I sit in my thinking chair everyday, and stare at it all.

The People's Key is a psycho album. Woah.

Will someone help me make this idea happen?
        Get a shirt.
        Sew on a big patch of velcro.
        Make many matching velcro squares to put on it.
             You can change your shirt and put whatever you want on it. Because you dont have to wash the velcro in the washing machine. So it can be pretty delicate. So the destruction (like what happened to our band shirts in the washing machine) will be avoided.

"Into the Open" -The Heartless Bastards

The name of the band is harsh but it's so good. It's like how the band "The New Pornographers" has the worst name ever but really really great music that has nothing to do with the name. I think that might be what they meant to accomplish with their names. Get rid of the retards who only look on the surface. Maybe. Because I think it's getting rid of some people who disagree with everything about the name. I'm confused, but...

Isn't that inspirational?

Go Heartless Bastards