Dear Helen,
If you're reading this, I'm sorry I missed your party. I'm also sorry to hear that no one else came either. I legitimately feel bad I don't know how to make it up to you.
I made fruit cake bars yesterday and if you'd like some just let me know (I have so many I can't sit on the couch anymore- I bought 4,000 lbs of sugar from Amazon.com and I just couldn't let it all go to waste. Please have some fruit cake...I am dying.)
My son called today to let me know that their dog caught a three legged pigeon. I didn't know what to make of it at first so I told him to cook it up and send me the head. Now I realize that in Oklahoma there was once a bear who was infected by a Cancer Pigeon and I really hope they don't send me the head. I don't want cancer. I already have enough of it. I shall be hiding out in the front bushes till the mailman comes so I can tackle him before he touches the box.
I gotta go. The power just went out.
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